The (abridged) History of the Blind Date - Jesse's Version
The cavelady and her cavehusband had two cave friends that they decided might like one another. After all, these cave friends were the last cave people who hadn't found someone. So, actually, these cave friends might be forced to like one another or die alone...because there was no one left to choose. So, this cave group gathered for a cave dinner (which involved precariously raw meat, some berries and a raging bonfire) and the cave group made a lot of small talk. Who knows exactly what topics arose? My guess is that politics or religion somehow managed to nose their way into the conversation. History has taught us that these two items are dating taboo...definitely not that ligher fare conversation that you strive for on a first date. Anyhow, I digress... I imagine that politics and/or religion reared their ugly heads. And somehow, the nice dinner turned into a huge mess. The two cave friends decided to become cave not-friends and decided they'd rather be alone forever than to choose one another.
And that's why the blind date is called the Blind Date. Had this first blind date been an enormous success, people would have called it something else...like the Amazing Date. People would be coming for miles and miles to try Amazing Dates. Instead, these first two co-conspirators decided to be somewhat humane and call it the Blind Date. The other option was to call it the Really Uncomfortable (Bad) Date. But, that's an awfully long name for a date...right?? The fix up was slang that obviously came later. The fix up doesn't imply anything that is more amazing than the blind date either - it just masks things a bit better. Really, the fix up says "Something is broken and someone should fix it!"
This is not to say that all blind dates or fixups are inevitably horrible. They're not. I've been on a few. My experience is, sadly enough, that more of them are closer to the Really Uncomfortable (Bad) Date than they are to the Amazing Date. But, occassionally, you run into the Blind Date where you manage to achieve the top goal...or at least, it's my top goal.
Writer's note: I will choose hockey for my next metaphor because it has the potential to be violent and it's always entertaining or interestesting to someone - both qualities to be found in every blind date.
We start this blind date as opposing teams on opposite ends of the ice rink. We skate throughout the game, trying to score goals...goals such as:
- Funny joke! Score 1
- Witty / sarcastic comeback! Score 1
- No spilling! Score 2 (this is really important and generally unattainable to me)
When the game is finally over, we tally up the scores. You might possibly end up with a zero on one or both sides. This means that both teams will run to the locker rooms and tell their friends stories about the Really Uncomfortable (Bad) Date. Or, you end up with a few points on both sides. This means that, at the close of the game, each of your Awkwardness will walk up to center ice, shake hands and say
- Mentally / To Themselves: "Whew, glad that's over!"
- Out Loud: "Good game! Can I call you sometime?"
