If you want something done right...

Yeah - you better @&*%mailto:&*%^!*@#$^&#@ do it yourself! I've had two, distinct experiences in the past few days. Now that I'm on the other side, I can look back, wiser and more educated. However, while in the trenches, I was wondering where the other side was...was there even an other side?

Food. It's a pretty big deal for me - if you haven't noticed so far. I like to make it and, for the most part, I like to eat it too! And, from time to time, I am struck by crippling craving. It's a madness - just like the need to go shoot cats...I mean... These cravings strike at really the most inconvenient times. I mean, when I'm sitting on the couch, watching TV, the last thing I want to do is go hunt down my food! And, I NEVER crave something that I have in the house! Of course not. That would be far too easy. These cravings are what have led me down a monstrous path the past few days. These two harrowing incidents have left me scarred, laying on the Foodie Battlefield...

Chinese food. Alas, it's a failing of mine. I really can't ever turn it down. And, it seems when I've gone too long without it, the taste for it rears its ugly head. A time or two, I might be known to neglect a craving, promising myself that I'll just get it tomorrow. Well folks, procrastination is NO ONE'S friend! By the time I've procrastinated so much that my dreams are in Chinese characters and I'm giving birth to sesame chicken, I can see that there might be a problem. So, after the final straw broke (sorry - mixed up my cliches there), I finally dragged my pajama-clad, sorry bottom to the local grocery store to try to scrounge up some chow mein and sesame chicken (like manna from heaven, you know...) And, since I live in the COOLEST PLACE ON EARTH, every restaurant (which is a generous term, I realize, for the Chinese deli section at the grocery store) closes at 8 o'clock or some such craziness! Not to mention, the little boy working behind the counter let me foolishly and dangerously peruse the menu, contemplating whether I needed the 3-item-plate or, to hell with it, let's just get the Buddha Feast! After about 90 seconds of contemplation, aforementioned LITTLE COUNTER BOY informed me that they were closed. HELLO. I am at the GROCERY STORE CHINESE COUNTER; I am wearing mens' pajama bottoms, slippers and a giant hoodie; my knee looks like it was involved in a drive-by shooting (now a good time to mention that I am a K.L.U.T.Z??). What on earth posessed this boy to tell me I couldn't have my Chinese food? I CAN STILL SEE THE ACTUAL FOOD. How CLOSED ARE YOU?? If he expected me to be polite in return, then he had another thing coming... Now, past my Food Rage, I apologize to the little boy for being rude when all he did was tell me "No". I did end up getting my Chinese. Not that night...but the next. It was delicious and I ate it all. Then I licked the sauce from the inside of the takeout carton and then I ate that too.

Pizza. This is another dangerous one for me. The only thing in its favor is that I crave Chinese WAY more than I crave pizza. I have been known to turn down pizza. I mean, who wants just greasy delivery pizza all the time? Not I! I'm more of a gourmet pizza girl. In a pinch, I can grudglingly accept Papa John's. But, the entire time I'm eating it, I am hoping beyong hope that a slice of Ray's Pizza might turn up in the box. So, why not take things to the next level and make pizza? God inspired me by sending a pizza recipe in my Google reader feed this morning. And it was like love at first sight! Being that my pizza making experience would happen after a full workday, I would have to relinquish the crust to someone else's trusting hands. But, who hasn't walked through any grocery store and seen pizza crust all over the place? Yeah, NO ONE RAISED THEIR HANDS. How hard could it be? Pre-made pizza crust and grocery stores go together - just like graham crackers and peanut butter!! So, after work, I stopped at the grocery store. I collected a few extra vegetables for the pizza. And I walked around the ENTIRE STORE looking for pre-made pizza crust. "Boboli, where are you?" There are people at the grocery store who were looking at me curiously - not sure whether to ask if I needed help finding my dog or whether I needed a snack. Seriously, some aisles I visited multiple (meaning, in this situation, MORE THAN TWO) times!! I saw the freaking frozen pizza section about 100 times! All this time, my vision is graying from starvation and I feel like I no longer have the strength to push my cart...so heavy...must find pizza crust... I finally managed to find the world's most unhealthy pre-made pizza crust option. In the form of a can. Literally! When I popped open the can, the dough fell out in can form! I continued to walk around the grocery store, looking for the Boboli pizza crust I'd envisioned. At the very least, I wanted to compare nutritional facts to prove that the canned dough was probably 1 bazillion times more bad for you than the other. I'm already convinced that if I'd made it at home, it would have been tremendously healthier. Anyone who reads this and thinks that is a lie...you just go home. So, beaten down and HUNGRY, I dragged myself up to the checkstand, waited behind roughly the entire population of Salt Lake City, checked out my food and went home. My entire drive home, I was thinking to myself: "This pizza better be DAMN GOOD." And, I can say, now that I've eaten the creation - it was good! The canned dough was pretty tasty. I'm not sure why this surprises me because Pillsbury canned biscuits and I have had an on-off lovers relationship for years. I finally had to break it off because thosee Pillsbury cans expected way too much of me. EIGHT in a can?? My diet is carb-rich enough as it is... I occasionally dabble with the bad-boy of biscuits and buy those "Perfect Partners" ones. I'm obviously still not over those crazy biscuits. We had such good times. But, time's a wastin'...back to the story.

Now that I'm safely on the other side of these food crises, I can say that I've learned a valuable lesson. It's an oldie, but a goodie. If you want something done right, you better do it yourself. This is a bittersweet lesson for me. I am slowly, but surely, turning into a Hermit / Granola. This time next year, I might be braiding my never-shaved armpit hair and feeding my goats, who live outside in the parking lot. When that does happen, as it inevitably will, remember my happy days...my HOT shoe collection, etc. This way, you'll realize that, somewhere deep down inside, my inner-Carrie Bradshaw is buried, safe and sound.

I feel so domestic!

This weekend, I've done quite a few things.

I attended the Dowtown Alliance Farmer's Market.

This is something I've been wanting to do for quite a while, actually. Mom, Brook and I decided to spend our Saturday morning browsing. And let me tell you that thre are no words that could have prepared me! I'd heard that it was great, that you could find a danish the size of your head, that there were tons of vegetables. But, Not So Observant Me didn't realize the scope of this market! One, I've never actually realized how large Pioneer Park is... So, when the market covers over half the park, you've got to know it's huge. Two, I didn't know my Utah neighbors had such a hippie streak. All things said, it was amazing! However, I don't think that we were mentally prepared. There were literally hundreds of people. And they were all waiting in line for aforementioned danish. So, we skipped the prepared food altogether. But, I'm here to tell you that I now posess the largest tomatoes I've ever owned. And I completely understand why the rules are so stringent at the market for vendors...and I thank whomever prepared them, as a consumer.

I also made bread (what a SURPRISE) this morning. I attempted sourdough today. It's good, but it's not really sour...or at least, not what I would call sour. It is good bread, just not what I was expecting. I'd put off making it so that I could let my starter mature and get more sour...THANK GOODNESS. Had I made this bread last weekend, I can only imagine the level of not-sourness. And, the way things are going, I expect to have actually SOUR sourdough bread sometime in 2010!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

After a Friday full of sunshine and warmth, I think many Salt Lake City natives were desperate to get outside and soak up the sun! Rach and I definitely included ourselves in this number - since we've attempted to plan a couple of outdoor activities, only to be driven away by rain.

So, today - we made it our goal to attend Grill on the Hill. The BBQ event at Snowbird was a good excuse to get out and enjoy the sunshine. Our plan was also to sneak in a tram ride and a hike too. Unfortunately, once again, we were thwarted by Mother Nature. The rain started on the drive up the canyon and only got worse once we actually arrived. We had a delicious lunch and Gabe added a few more nice ladies to his fan club (of course!). We were advised not to ride the Tram (zero visibility) and hiking was obviously a dud.

The scenery was beautiful. The rain made for a very misty and enchanted day. The only thing that would have made it more enchanting would have been just a little surprise visit by Mr. Sun. We did however manage to discover a few items about Snowbird and we are already talking about returning - when the Utah weather actually remembers that it is SUMMER!!

Gabe's tolerance for Jess by herself only lasts for so long. This is him trying to convince Rach to come out of the bathroom. However, after she came out, we discovered that he was really interested in the actual bathroom.

Yes - Baked Goods are my Children

Uh-oh...I've gone WAY beyond Crazy Cat Lady now

That's Not My Name...and other hits!

My bread-baking extravanganza this weekend led me to wonder about the state of my food storage. I mean...I only have so much room in my regular size freezer. I'm asking myself that inevitable question: Is it time to buy a full-size freezer? I can't stock up at Costco like I really, really want to. I walk around that store and ask myself if I really need twelve pounds of butter. And you know what? I DO! But, I can't currently buy twelve pounds of butter because I don't have a good place to store it. I proposed this idea to a friend. She made a suggestion. Instantly, my freezer has become food storage / coffin!! What an excellent idea.

I wasn't actually going to SAY anything...but my freezer is for dead bodies. However, on the surface, I will be telling people it's so I can do long-haul shopping at Costco and buy things that will freeze and keep for many, many months. Plus, it's good to have something to put on top of the dead bodies, to act as a sort of camoflage. I've already got a list of dead bodies!

Potential Hit Grocery List

1. My landlord - removing any roadblock that I might have to getting a new puppy.
2. My postman (or woman) who is not picking up the mail when I mark it as "no longer at this address" and who shoves my mail to the back of the mailbox, so that it's so crumpled I can't read it.

The postman is in position #2 because I sent in a complaint to USPS and if the issue can be resolved that way, then I don't need to worry about killing them. Then, I had another thought. This is a sneakier sort of guerilla warfare, if you will.

I am going to wire my mailbox for sound. It will be similar to those new-fangled sound cards or novelty cookie jars. Whenever you open the mailbox, it will play a song! The song will be individually selected, to act as a little reminder for my post-person. The first song that came to mind is "That's Not My Name", by The Ting-Tings. Destiny's Child "Say May Name" is a close runner-up. But, I've decided to stick with "That's Not My Name" because I think it's much easier to get in the head. And, I'll end up with either of the following results:

• Post-Person will be so freaking annoyed by having The Ting-Ting's in his/her head all the time that they will OBEY ME and take the old residents' mail!
• Post-Person will be OVERJOYED by my thoughtful music selection and will want to do anything to please me; including TAKING THE OLD RESIDENTS' MAIL

So really...it's a win-win situation, right? And I always have my freezer/coffin for trusty backup.

PS: For anyone who might be on my Potential Hit Grocery List...I'm really too lazy to follow through with that plan. Once I killed you, there's no way I could drag your dead, now-really-heavy body into my freezer. No need to alert the FBI.

A New Favorite: Fun & Lazy Weekends

I am halfway through a Sunday (and sadly, more than halfway through the weekend) and realized that this weekend has been pretty spectacular. I spent several hours in my pajamas yesterday, watching TV. I made bread this morning (proof shown below)...which is one of my favorite relaxing activities. And, just to save me from Hermit-ism, Rachel and I went to Wiseguys to see the show last night.

By the way, for those of you who are looking for something cheap and relatively easy to do on a spontaneous night out, I highly recommend Wiseguys. Rach and I both had a fun time. For as much as it costs to go to the movies, you can go watch a live show - with alcohol! Wiseguys at Trolley Square is also pretty cozy. I think there were 15 people at the show last night. The comics all made the most of it and did a lot to involve the audience. However, we did hear afterward that such conditions are pretty difficult for live performances. But I had a good time and it was nice to get out and have a laugh.

I took some very random photos this morning... I have always wanted to feed my ego and take pictures of my bread, which is where the photo journey started this morning. Then I figured I might as well take a few of my house in non-destruct state. It looks much nicer and is much more comfortable, at least from where I'm sitting. Although, since the pest control has come by, I've found 2 new PESTS.

As a sidenote: That loaf of wheat on the right? Yeah, I'm still not 100% sure that I actually made it... When I checked to make sure it was rising, it had suddenly grown into a real size loaf of bread! Honestly, this has never happened before. Usually, my bread loaves are (delicious) but of a half-ass size. I'm so excited. Maybe my bread knew I would be photographing today and it was on it's best behavior... Something to keep in mind in the future.

Up, Up & Away!

This morning, Rach and I attempted zero gravity yoga. This is a first into what will (hopefully) turn into a series of adventures in NEW things for me!

Moments after walking into the room, I realized that I'd forgotten my most important accessory...camera. Honestly, had I been able to mount a camera to the ceiling, this blog would be a lot funnier.

Zero gravity (aerial) yoga requires one to trust oneself...a lot... For me, I was able to push my boundaries to see that there are things that I thought I couldn't do (hang from the ceiling from a hammock, anyone??) and do them. If you had told me last weekend that I'd be able to wrap my arms in a piece of fabric and do a backflip, I would have told you it would cost you. And look at how wrong I was!

Not sure that aerial yoga is something I need to do all day, everyday - or even again, at all. But it was definitely a great and fun adventure for the day. I still feel it in my abs. Not to mention, it appears that my hands might be permanently formed into The Claw: frozen in time, holding on for dear life to my hammock...

Attack of the Alien Cockroaches!

I've been introduced to yet another aspect of house-living (as opposed to apartment living). Let me start the story with a warning of sorts... When my landlord (future landlord at the time, as this happened before I signed my lease) mentioned that previous tenants had a cockroach problem, I admit I did vomit in my mouth a little. Then, Invincible Jesse took over and decided that I'd never have a cockroach problem! Never had one before and definitely don't see a reason to start now...

This isn't a decision that's entirely in your hands, however. Actually, it's really not in your hands at all. Because WHO would consciously decide to invite the cockroaches over for a party? And when I say cockroach...I mean C.O.C.K.R.O.A.C.H. Gianormous. I really wish now that I'd taken photos as proof. So, when I tell you that these cockroaches were bigger than my head, you'd believe me.

But, instead, when I saw the first one, I didn't run for the camera. I made a mad dash to the store and bought roach traps. First, gut instinct. I have to say that if I was in the situation again, I do the exact same thing. So, I probably never will have photos of these horrific dudes. But they're forever burned in my brain - that's for sure.

Now, not only are they taking up residence at my house...they're requiring me to tear the whole thing apart. Pest control will be here tomorrow. Pest control guidelines = move all furniture to the center of the room and/or away from the baseboards and empty all your cupboards. Okay, I am a single lady and this was like a demolition derby for me.

So, while I never figured on the first photos of my cute house being in destruct state... Allow me to present:

My House

By the way...just in case I haven't made myself clear... I HATE COCKROACHES