My quarter life crisis

I remember reading somewhere that instead of mid-life crises, people are now experiencing quarter-life crises. Well, I'm there baby! And let's just say I hope that, just because it's a quarter (a.k.a 1/4, or "one of four") life crisis, doesn't mean it will happen four times.



Recently I decided to take my life as I know it and, basically, throw it off a cliff and start over again. I quit my full-time job after a seven-year stint and I decided to go back to school full-time. An admirable goal (I know, I know) - but I'll be darned if it isn't tough already. Although, I will admit that, so far, there has been a silver lining of hope and excitement. It just so happens that some days it's buried far, far underneath a layer of nervousness and anxiety. These too will pass...once I find a job.



My plan is to work part-time while attending classes. Ideally, looking for a serving and/or bartending position. I know, I've never worked in any field like that before. But I am a hard worker and a fast learner, right? Not to mention, I'll be at the do-or-die level, so I'll make myself good. Anyhow, today, I started hoofing it to find someone who might hire me.



All in all, it was a surprisingly eye opening experience for me. For one, I was completely shocked by the responses I got. At bars/pubs/etc., people were friendly and open. Even if they were busy, they took the time to let me fill out an application and were usually pretty cool about it. At restaurants, the people had a bitter edge to them. The people at restaurants were more than happy to tell me any of the following:

1. We're not hiring right now.


2. Thanks, but we only accept people with serving experience.


3. Uh, I guess you can leave your resume?

Any one of these things (or any combination...) was basically a conversation stopper. If the discussion was to continue, it was up to me to make it happen. And I did end up leaving at least a resume at every place. But, I couldn't promise that they didn't go straight into the trash.

It's not that I am taking issue with the fact that people are not hiring right now. I got the same responses almost everywhere. I am frustrated with the underlying attitude. So, surprisingly, I felt much more comfortable in the bars - the places I thought would intimidate me!

It felt like I went to about 100 places today. I just did the instant replay in my head and, turns out, I went to nine. Let's not forget that this was my first day out and about too. Sure, I've done a few online applications...but I am more optimistic about the applications I've submitted in person. Interruption to say that for anyone who has been job-hunting for longer than, oh, 24 hours, you have my eternal admiration! I think that in the past couple of days, I've applied for more jobs than I have in my entire life.

I am praying, keeping my fingers crossed, and performing mythical spells every night before bedtime that I won't have to do this for a huge length of time. But, even my so-so knowledge of the world today makes me set my expectations fairly low. That's why I started looking early.

As a reward, I treated myself to a (I mean...two...) cupcake on the way home. Does it help that they are MINI cupcakes? I think the things are delicious. Today was no exception. I sampled some Lemon Pie and Pretty-in-Pink. They were both yummy, but my favorite was Lemon Pie. It is now in the #1 spot for cupcake flavors. I still can't wait to try Margarita though. It's a Tuesday special, so it takes a bit more planning than my usual cupcake impulsivity. The cupcakes were an excellent way to end a not too exciting day though.

*Note - just read on the Mini-Cupcake website that they have a Carrie Cosmo cupcake: "Back by popular demand, the Carrie Cosmo! We will no longer have the carrot cake on Fridays, we will have our most popular cocktail cupcake. The Carrie Cosmo is a cranberry cupcake soaked in cranberry juice and vodka, frosted with lime frosting topped with a fresh cranberry." OH MY. I will have to make it a point to hit this place on Tuesday and now on Friday TOO!

Emoting

I just realized something. My emotions of frustration and anger are a little like tar. This is a fairly unfortunate realization given the fact that lately I've driven myself to frustration or anger more often than normal. When you get right down to it, I might as well be paving a road with all this tar I'm producing.

Who remembers that story about Brer Rabbit & the Tar Baby?? Maybe it's just me. We read the Uncle Remus stories about Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox and Brer Bear a lot when I was younger. The story of Brer Rabbit & the Tar Baby illustrates best what I mean about my frustration being a lot like tar. In a nutshell, Brer Fox and Brer Bear make a Tar Baby (doll made of tar) in order to trick Brer Rabbit. Cleverly enough, their trick works out just like they planned. Brer Rabbit greets the Tar Baby. After trying and trying without getting a response, Brer Rabbit socks the Tar Baby in the face. Being that this particular Tar Baby is made of...oh...tar, Brer Rabbit gets stuck. And the harder he fights it, the more stuck he gets.

And that's really what I mean when I say my frustration is like tar. It seems like whenever a small thing happens to frustrate me (which happens far too regularly for my liking), I fight it and fight it and end up getting myself more involved and more frustrated than I should be.

I've spent the last few months trying to come up with some better solutions. I'm pretty close to researching the "Woo-zah" method, as seen in Bad Boys II. In fact, I've made a small step in that direction by pulling on my earlobes whenever I get frustrated. Pretty soon, I'll belong in National Geographic, with earlobes down to my ribcage.

This post doesn't really have a point - except that I'm wondering if this might be a good outlet for my frustration. Maybe in writing about my personal Tar Baby, it will cease to be! Wouldn't that be AWESOME? In the meantime, I am pulling on my earlobes and playing racquetball.

**Author's note: I do know that it's Friday. I also know it's not very nice for me to post such a downer blog at the beginning of a weekend. I figure I might as well do this blog as a detox of sorts so I can start my weekend off nicely. I promise to complete the weekend with a much more uplifting and probably lighter weight blog. Please come back and visit!!

AMC hates the singles

I spent last night, cuddled up on the couch watching End of Days on American Movie Channel (AMC...) last night. I'd like to take this moment to point out how un-hermit like this was. I was housesitting at the time. So, I was cuddled up on someone else's couch and not my own. Yes, I was watching the movie alone (becuase I really don't know anyone other than myself who would watch End of Days with commercials).

Anyhow, I digress. Before I figured out that you can pause, rewind and fast-forward through afore-mentioned commercials, I ended up watching some (read: A LOT OF COMMERCIALS). I saw a few (far too many) for Chantix, the quit-smoking-drug. Some more for Advair, the anti-asthma drug. Tylenol (ah, my good friend lately) commercials were fairly prevalent. So, we obviously LIKE DRUGS. But, count all of the drug commercials combined and they don't equal the number of crappy eHarmony commercials I saw!!

eHarmony is tricky and features all these happy couples that were matched, courtesy of eHarmony's services. So, one sits and watches these commercials. Then, a certain, single lady might find herself building a new-age fairy tale in her brain. The story goes a little like this:

Girl was watching TV all by herself (cue scenes from Bridget Jones' Diary). Girl sees happy couple made during a movie. Then the movie changes to Online Dating Service commercial and more happy couples abound. Girl is so taken in by all these happy couples! She dreams of one day, building herself an Online Dating Profile and meeting Prince Charming. Girl spends at least a week building the perfect Online Dating Profile. She debates over how to describe herself. She agonizes over how to describe her Prince Charming. Yet, after all her hard work, she finally produces the perfect Online Dating Profile. Filled with hope and snapshots of Prince Charming, Girl pays her Online Dating Service fee and posts her perfect Online Dating Profile. Immediately, her Online Dating Inbox is full of romantic notes from a host of prospective suitors. Upon reading profiles, she instantly identifies HER Prince Charming! They agree to meet for coffee, a no-pressure first date. Their coffee date stretches into a movie, followed by dinner. The Perfect Couple is born!

Allow me to insert a few items into this fairy tale, purely for the sake of accuracy. One, did you know that it literally takes FOREVER to build your profile for these dating web sites? I have tried the eHarmony profile TWICE. The first time, I got bored not even halfway through. The second time, I was astounded by the amount of money they wanted to charge me. I could go buy myself an escort for that price. Maybe that solution doesn't provide a Happy Ever After, but so far, neither has my online dating experience. At least with an escort, your results are 99% GUARANTEED.

During my last foray into the online dating world, I finally made a commitment to the process. As I've mentioned, I've tried this online dating thing a few times and haven't really had any luck. But this last time, I started to wonder if maybe I wasn't doing enough to make this work. So, I paid my money (not the highway robbery of eHarmony...) and made the perfect profile (which still took me forever).

For about a week after my commitment, I signed on every day. I checked my email and communicated with a few guys. Call me picky (everyone else does...) but nothing really struck me. Actually, let me rephrase. Quite a few things struck me. For example, the guy who "divorced me before we ever got married" (yeah - NOT KIDDING). Or another example, a guy who invited me to a friend's wedding as a first date. Honestly folks, these are completely true. After a few of these wondrous chats, my enthusiasm waned. It waned until the point where I wasn't getting online at all. So, basically, I'd wasted my money. It thrills me to admit that. I really feel pretty free now. Imagine my free feeling when I say that I wasted not one charge but two!? Because, I'd forgotten that they automatically charge you to renew unless you specifically cancel your account. I really hate that feature with any 'membership' type purchase.

Do you have to do as much work to find a date as you do to earn your college degree? Honestly, had I been taking classes during the summer semester, I think my coursework would have suffered in the face of trying to find a date! I mean, the dating world is full of enough bad experiences - even when you're talking about the traditional boy-meets-girl situation. Do you have to add an SAT test (I mean PROFILE) to the process? Not to mention, daily homework in the form of email back and forth to at least ten different people? I probably should have really shown my commitment. I mean, I could have created index cards to try and remember who each guy was and what we had said to one another. But, the conversations generally all start the same. Sometimes, you get an original (like...divorce before marriage...). And finally, I'm not really the type of girl who gets any spark from an email chat. So, if I was really dedicated, I would have made coffee dates with each and every one of these gentlemen. Talk about a lot of work! Not only would my college coursework have suffered, but I'd probably have to cut back on hours at work as well.

Wow. I didn't really mean my rant to be quite so, um, ranty. But, if I'm saying that I'm unhappy with dating, then I am REALLY UNHAPPY with online dating. I know there are people who have made a success from their online dating experience (Yep, I really do know people in this category). And obviously, these people have been blessed with a magical quality that I'm lacking. Maybe I wasn't ecstatic about watching Arnold duke it out with the devil, on commercial TV, by myself. But it sure was better than trying to date online!!